


5 Times Benjamin Tallmadge Couldn't Sleep And The 1 Time He Did

by tallboy_benny



Category: Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: 5+1 Things, ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN, could be platonic or romantic you decide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-11 22:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11724285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tallboy_benny/pseuds/tallboy_benny
Summary: Benjamin Tallmadge can't sleep. The people Ben is closest to notice.





	1. Nathan Hale

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo everyone! Welcome to my fic, this is my first fic on AO3 so I hope y'all enjoy!

"Ben. Walk with me?" Ben looks up at Nathan questioningly.

"It's almost midnight, Nate. Is something wrong?" Nathan sighs.

"It's not something that can be discussed here." Ben frowns but grabs Nathan's arm and pulls himself up off his cot. He can tell something is wrong, with the way Nate looks around nervously at the soldiers and won't meet his eyes. Nathan walks fast to the outskirts of the woods where they are camped. His eyes dart around and he seems jumpy. Ben grabs Nathan's arm once they're far enough from the camp.

"Nate. Something is wrong, I can tell. You've been scanning the forest and camp like yourself expecting an attack." Ben gives him a concerned look. "You can tell me, you know that."

Nathan looks down. "Ben...I..." He takes a deep breath. "I'm going to York City." Ben freezes, his eyes widening.

"York City? Are you mad? That place is overrun with Tories and occupied by the enemy, why in God's name are you going there?!" 

"Shhh!" Nathan hisses. "This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you, because I knew you'd flip out over it. It's special assignment from General Washington." Ben's jaw drops, then he realizes.

"Special assignment?" His voice drops lower. "You're spying. Nate, how could you agree to this, Washington can find another man-" Nathan cuts him off by grabbing his wrist and pulling him closer.

"Ben listen to me, no one else can know about this. I'm defying orders by even telling you!"

"Why you?" Nathan seems to be at a loss for words, so Ben continues. "Why would General Washington specificaly choose you, out of everyone in camp?" Nathan winces slightly. 

"Ben-"

"I'm serious, Nate. Why would-" Ben stops abruptly. "Oh God. You volunteered. Nate- Oh God, why would you volunteer, Nate this 'special assignment ' is a death sentence, you could be hanged-"

"I know, Ben, but no one else volunteered, and the General needs intelligence on the Redcoat presense in York City-"

"Nate-"

"I leave tonight, Ben." Ben's breath catches in his throat. 

"W-What?!"

"Ben I didn't want you to find out like this-" Ben is shaking slightly, and surges forward into Nate, wrapping his arms tightly around him. His voice is muffled and shaky when he finally speaks.

"Promise me." Nathan rubs his back, holding back his own tears. "Promise me you'll come back alive." He doesn't answer, he can't give him the false hope the promise would bring. "Nathan, please! Promise me you'll come back." Nate takes a shaky breath.

"As long as you promise the same. If you go into battle while I'm...away...stay alive." Ben nods.

"I promise, Pythias."

Nathan's heart breaks, knowing his promise will most likely become a lie. "And I too, Damon."

 

*****

_September 23, 1776_

Ben has barely slept since Nathan had left. With each day that passes, he feels more and more of the certainty in his heart that Nathan was not returning. He sits on his cot and is in the middle of pulling on his blue coat when a young messenger walks in. "Captain Tallmadge, sir."

Ben nods. "Yes, Corporal?"

"I'm very sorry, sir..." He hands Ben a letter. As Ben skims through it, the corporal's words fade out and his heart skips a beat.

_..Nathan Hale-_

_..spy-  
_

_..caught-_

_..York City-_

_**..hanged-** _

Ben freezes and rereads the line. _Hanged on this day the 22 of September._ The letter slips from his hands and falls to the ground.The corporal gives him a look of masked pity before leaving.

Ben sinks down onto his cot again. _You promised, Pythias. You promised._

He doesn't sleep at all that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's that. Thanks for reading and the next chapter should be out next Sunday! (look at me setting a reasonable goal for myself wow im proud)  
> See ya then!


	2. Abraham Woodhull

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I would post on Sunday, but I finished this chapter early and I really wanted to post since the Turn series finale is tonight :'((

Ben hisses as his heavy blue coat rubs against the still-sore gunshot wound in his shoulder. He takes a deep breath, slowly stretching out the injured arm before relaxing it against his side. He grabs his dragoon helmet and the letter of pardon before descending the stairs. 

"Enough!" The Continentals holding Abe freeze, Abe's head covered in a sack and sopping wet. "That's enough." He storms into the holding cell as the man holding Abe shoves him roughly to the ground. Abe hits the ground hard and erupts into a loud coughing fit. Ben grabs the money out of the second man's hand and shoves it back into the pouch. "I know him, He's not a spy." He nodd his head at the two men, dismissing them.

"Your name came through on a dispatch, Mr. Woodhull."

"Ben? Tallmadge, is that you?" Abe's voice is hoarse from the water, but he still sounds both disbelieving and hopeful.

"I set out from camp immediately." Ben pulls the sack off Abe's head, and Abe looks up at him with his jaw hanging slightly. Ben smiles faintly and grabs Abe's arm, pulling him to his feet. 

"It's you..It is you, thank God.." Abe pulls him into a hug, breathing hard. "Thank God.." His next words are a harsh whisper. "Ben, can you get me out of here? Ben you know me, I'm no smuggler. This is the first time that-" 

Ben cuts him off. "I know that. I told them that you were a man of integrity and would make every effort to cooperate."

Abe lets out a breath. "Thank you...Cooperate?"

"They need to know who your contact was. To make sure you weren't giving aid to the enemy. I told them that you would never do that..."

 "Ben trust me, the enemy did not benefit here!"

"I do! I do trust you, Abe, I can get you out but you have to tell me who your contact is."

Abe's eyes narrow slightly. "What's your true purpose here? You didn't ride all this way just to get me out of trouble."

Ben handed Abe the letter of pardon, explaining that it was from the governor himself. Abe frowned.

"But only if I tell you who my contact was."

"This shouldn't be a negotia-"

"Well good, because I'm not giving up the name of a man who's just trying to get by! And who doesn't deserve to be..thrown in a cell by the same Congress, who declares for our freedom! I won't do it." Abe turns away from Ben and leans his arms against the back wall. Ben allows a small smirk to slip through his indifferent mask, but quickly hides it as Abe turns back around to face his. "Why are you really here?"

Ben plays dumb. "As I said, I have a permit for you to return home. Signed after recieving word from General Washington himself." He sighs and drops his act, admitting his reason for being here. "Look, we're of a mind that if you can smuggle cabbage...you could smuggle something more valuable. Information."

Abe lets out a breathy laugh. "So you've come to enlist me-"

"Recruit you!" Abe laughs again and walks away from Ben. "Congress fights for our freedom, I fight for it, men die for it." Internally Ben winces, his words reviving memories too painful.

"I don't ask anyone to fight for me-"

"I'm asking you. All I ask is that you fight for what you believe."

Ben expalins the information that Abe would be able to gather, Abe becoming increasingly panicked with each one.

"I have a system all worked out."

"Well have you worked out a way to explain my absence? I was supposed to be back yesterday."

Ben just shrugs. "Use the truth. You were on the black market."

Abe glances over at the bolt of silk Ben had tossed to the side. "Well I shall need proof of that. The silk. And the twelve pounds." Ben tosses the items onto the barrel in front of them. 

"You're free." Abe moves to grab the silk and pouch, but hesitates. 

"Ben." Ben turns around, halfway out the doorway. "Ben, are you alright?"

"We're in the middle of a war, Abe, I don't think anyone is 'all right.'" Abe shakes his head.

"When you threw these," he holds up the silk and pouch, "You winced, like an action as simple as that hurt. And you've been shaking slightly every since you said that men die for it. Clearly something is not right here." 

Ben wonders when Abe became so observant, it's a far cry from the oblivious teenager he'd known. He turns away from Abe in response.

"I don't see what that has to do with anything. I thought you were desperate to leave?" To anyone else, his tone would be a clear dismissal, but Abe has always been a persistent arse, and he pushes farther.

"Ben, I've known you since you were five, don't go pulling this "I don't see what this has to do with anything" act, it's complete horseshite. Something is bothering you, and I'm not leaving til you explain."

Ben slams his palm onto the cell bars angrily. Abe was right and he knew it, and hated it. He hisses as the jolt sents white-hot pain shooting down his arm. Abe grabs his non-injured shoulder and whirls him around. Abe pushes Ben's coat back and sees the bloodied bandages wrapped around his shoulder.

"Damn, Tallmadge, what happened to ya?"

"I got shot, Abe. What else would look like that?"

Abe frowns. "There's something else," he says, and Ben wants to punch the wall again. God, he hates it when Abe is right.

"My unit walked straight into an ambush by the Queen's Rangers in New Jersey. He-" Ben takes a breath, steadying himself before continuing. "Those bastards had one of their men walk around with a bayonet to," his voice gets harsher, "to 'check' if my men were alive. They were under my command, Abe, and I got them _killed_. It's all my- it's all my fault." His voice shatters and Abe pulls him into a hug. 

"God, Abe, I-I-" Ben's voice cracks and he lets out a sob. "I killed the ranger, but I had to make it look like nothing happened, and he hadn't, finished, so I-I-" Abe's face pales and he hugs Ben tighter. 

"Ben, it wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known!"

Ben is shaking, but he nods. 

"Ben, promise me you'll sleep, okay? Otherwise I'll send Anna after you." Ben chokes out a halfhearted laugh.

"I- I- I'll try." Abe nods, knowing that's the best answer he'll get, and steps back. He grabs the silk and the money pouch, and heads for the wooden stairs in the back of the room.

Ben finds that the nightmares disappear a little more that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently I'm re-marathoning Turn to prepare myself for tonight......I can't believe it's ending! Also I should mention that the dialogue up to "You're free." is taken straight from s1e1.  
> Hope you enjoyed!


	3. Caleb Brewster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM STILL SOBBING OVER THE TURN SERIES FINALE SO I WROTE THIS TO WORK THROUGH THE FEELS EXCEPT I GAVE MYSELF MORE FEELS BY DOING THAT WHOOPS

Caleb expects that Ben would be debriefing the General. He doesn't expect to see Ben sitting on his cot in the tent they share, furiously scrubbing at his arms and chest with a wet cloth, the cloth coming away stained red.

"Hell, Tallboy, what happened?" He rushes forward, kneeling in front of Ben and pulling the cloth out of his hands. The entire front of Ben's uniform is red with blood. "Please tell me all that blood ain't yours." Ben flinches. 

"I- I shouldn't have let him interrogate Gamble alone, I should have held my tongue talking the General, I s-should have been in there, I could h-have stopped it!" The words come rushing out of Ben's mouth, and Caleb realizes Ben is shaking.

"The hell are ya on about, Ben? What happened? Ben, Tallboy, tell me what happened." Caleb grips Ben's shoulders tightly. Ben chokes back a sob, his eyes hollowed.

"Sackett's **_dead_**." Caleb stares at him. "Sackett's dead and I could have prevented it if-"

"Hey. Benny. Listen to me, okay? It's not your fault, hell, if it's anyone's fault it's Washington's for not listenin' to ya in the first place." Ben just stares down at his blood-soaked uniform.

"It's his."

"Wha?"

"The-The blood. I got to his t-tent too late. Gamble s-slit his throat, I tried to stop the blood, there was so much, Caleb, I-" Caleb pulls Ben close, rubbing his back.

"Tallboy, I told you it wasn't your fault, alright?" Ben nods shakily, and Caleb knows that's the best he's gonna get. "Now let's get this blood off ya."

Ben slowly tugs off his heavy blue coat, then his waistcoat, til he's just inhis tan undershirt and breeches. Caleb hangs the coat and waistcoat off the back of Ben's chair, then sits next to him on the cot.

"Listen to me, Benny boy, we're gonna fix this alright? Gamble'll get what's comin' to him. Besides, Sackett wouldn't want ya to sit in your own misery, he'd tell ya to keep on fightin', right?"

"But Sackett isn't here." Ben whispers, and Caleb pulls him into a tight hug.

"Ben, look at me." Ben raises his eyes up to Caleb's face slowly. "Sackett is dead." Caleb hates to do this, but he needs to get Ben to snap out of his self-blaming. "In no way was it your fault. Now what are you gonna do about it." 

Ben's eyes harden. "Hunt him down." He says, his voice cold. "He'll get _exactly_ what he did to Sackett." Caleb claps his shoulder. 

"That's the spirit. But it's gotta wait, right now you need sleep or you're gonna pass out in the briefing tomorrow." Ben tries to protest, but Caleb shakes his head. "Ya look like you're gonna pass out, Benny boy."

Ben grumbles to himself but pulls off his boots. "Yes, mother." He snaps sarcastically. Caleb just laughes and lies on his own cot, kicking his boots off and pulling the brim of his hat over his eyes. 

"Gnight, Tallboy."

*****

 _Ben is standing in a tent, papers strewn about and belongings smashed and broken. His breath catches in his throat. He **knows** this tent, he's seen it almost every day. Ben doesn't want to turn around, but his body seems to move without his agreement, and he chokes back a sob when he sees Sackett's body. _ _There's a rustle behind him and he whirls around, instantly on high alert._

_What he sees makes him freeze in his tracks._

_Nathaniel Sackett himself stands in front of him, his image flickering slightly. Ben stumbles backwards, shaking._

_"Mr. S-Sackett?" The eyes of the ghost of the body behind him are cold and unforgiving, so different from the warmth and teasing of his life._

_**Your fault.**  _

_The whisper echoes around the tent and seems to come from both nowhere and everywhere at the same time. Ben flinches, a tear tracking its way down his cheek._

_"Mr. Sackett, I-"_

_**Your fault.** This time it comes directly from the spirit's mouth. To Ben, it feels like he has been shot in the chest. _

_"I-"_

_**You let me die.** _

_Ben sinks to his knees, holding back sobs. "My fault...."_

_Sackett looks down on him, then morphs into another face Ben knows very well._

_General Washington stares down at him with the same cold, unforgiving look Mr. Sackett had displayed._

**_You have failed me, Major._ **

_Ben fights back the sobs threatening to rip out of him. This can't be real, there's no way-_

_Suddenly Washington speaks again; only it's not his voice, it's Caleb's._

_"Benny boy! Wake up, come on! Tallboy, wa-"_

*****

"-ke up!" Ben's eyes shoot open and he registers that Caleb had been shaking him awake. 

"C-Caleb?" Said man crushes him in a hug. 

"Christ, Tallboy, you had me right scared there. You were shakin' n cryin' in your sleep, what the hell happened?"

Ben hurriedly wipes the tear tracks from his cheeks. "S' nothing. Just a nightmare, s'all."

Caleb looks like he doesn't believe Ben, but backs off slightly. Ben's had nightmares before, and he knows to give him space for a little. Caleb rests a hand on Ben's shoulder and squeezes comfortingly before turning to head back to his own bed, but suddenly a hand wraps around his wrist.

"Stay?" Ben says quietly. "I-I'm not..sure if I could fall asleep a-again..."

Caleb smiles down at him. "Just like old times eh, Tallboy?" When they'd been kids in Setauket, Ben's mother had died and he'd had nightmares for close to a month. He'd only been able to sleep if he was near Caleb or his brother.

Ben smiles weakly back and Caleb slides under the thin blanket behind him. Ben instinctively curls into him, still shaking slightly. Caleb doesn't ask about the nightmare, he knows if Ben wants to tell he will.

"Sleep well, Tallboy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,,,i meant to post this on sunday but i didnt finish writing it til now whoops,,,,,
> 
> p.s. me? making ben/caleb a little bit more than platonic? its more likely than you think


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